Friday, April 30, 2010

Blessings & Curses

My blessing: I write really well. I’m not trying to toot my own horn and won’t even do the clichéd “beep” at the end but I do. It’s a given… I like that people like what and when I write. I used to write a lot. But I used to put myself in it. Not necessarily my soul because as a good writer you’re apparently supposed to unleash all the itsy bitsy particles of you but… the parts that counted. In a very ambiguous way.

I’m strange in that I crave anonymity but want my friends to read what I write. Maybe I should just apply for a column in a magazine… write in on occasion about things that strike my fancy. I FANCY that people would grow to love me (the writer) and my column. Like those columns you imagine people poring over during a wintry, rainy Sunday when going to church isn’t envisioned as an option and your heart tells you that you can live with the guilt of not attending. What? I used to go for mass during the week to atone for it.

Granted I live in Kenya now and there is little hope of there being a wintry anything let alone coffee and your paper by the breakfast table after the delivery boy on his bike throws your paper over the cute white picket fence. *sigh* We have to go out and get our own papers. Paper boys? (Why no paper girls?) Unfortunately, this is Africa where we employ askaris with vicious dogs called Simba to guard our property and where the walls loom a good twenty feet too high for even a love struck teenager to heave over a sweet note wrapped over a rock tied up with string. That’s neither here nor there though.

Back to my story about my column, I’d want people to read it and comment and appreciate it. I would especially like for my friends to know I was the genius behind that witty line that had them going for hours after the fact. I want to be that Oyunga Pala that stirs people up but leaves them wanting more. Like Carrie in Sex & the City who despite her short comings is a writer who manages to use her gift to pay the bills. I’d like my friends to know it’s me writing under a pseudonym because they tend to give me feedback. Except sometimes I don’t know if they’re just being nice. So maybe I’ll be forced to just stick to the randoms who read the column. Ask them to write to *insert random email address here* and let me know what they think. Then get irked by the spelling mistakes and grammar but be happy nonetheless that someone’s reading the spawn of my thoughts.

My curse: I’m lazy. It should be a crime. I love to procrastinate when it comes to writing essays or reports. The fact that I write well notwithstanding. I hate deadlines. With a passion. I’ve dallied on writing a report for 3 months a fact that doesn’t sit well with my mkubwa. He was shocked and pleasantly surprised when I handed him the bulk of it. Told me I wrote really well too. Then proceeded to ask if I had any help. At some points I’d have loved some but it would only speak to my inherent laxity. No one else knows this information anyway so it’d be kinda pointless to ask them to help.

Think its time I went for lunch. Enough of my tirade.

I’m really hurt that its lunchtime and my boss doesn’t seem interested in leaving for the rest of the day. More work. *siiiighhh*

LUNCH! Taa b*chiz!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Crushing...

Men always want to be a woman's first love. That is their clumsy vanity. We women have a more subtle instinct about things. What (women) like is to be a man's last romance.

Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

It's unfortunate but most of my blog posts are about the relationships I'm in, have cultivated or in the process of cultivating. I assume (when I read some blogs that make u think) that at times it means I'm not as deep as I should be... but this is my form of catharsis so let me stop hating and just accept it.

In the past weekend alone, I've run into two of my high school crushes. People I haven't seen SINCE I was in high school. One I'd kept in touch with- even elevated to best bud' status for an age while the other was ... hmm... just one of those people u crush on I guess? They are both still fine eligible bachelors ;)

"Constant communication for a bit in uni" crush apparently wants to be with me. He wants us to do the unthinkable. Has given me timelines, guidelines and many other such things to work with in a quest to make me believe we're meant to be together forever. I'm more cynical and realistic. His inability to see things through makes me want to run off screaming. I have this depraved solution to the current challenge that is him. My spiritual (father) shepherd/ guide at some point told me to test men. The man I was currently seeing. Any man who chose to come after... Random# One of Common's tracks (faithful is it?) talks about tests (not HIV... ). How men are dogs? The jam about if god was a woman...

Couldn't be out getting bogus with someone so godly... Even if they don't try some ladies test men, and this was a test that was bigger than him'...

His test is cruelly simple. When someone tells u ur meant to be together forever, u have to test the boundaries of their so called "faith" in such extreme beliefs. Beliefs that they've held for apparently the last 8 years. I'm always a 'more action, less talk kinda girl' so let's see how this pans out. Especially since I was given a week to end things with my current 'lover/ man'. Funny. I don't take orders really well but I figured since I was done anyway I might as well end things before more time was wasted. Time is that one resource you can NEVER get back. So having moved on swiftly....

I mention it to one of my closest girlfriends and she proceeds to ask if I'd now be interested in her cousin if he styled up.... stepped up to the plate.

What is it about 'u snooze u loose' that people don't quite grasp?!

Let's see how this plays out.

More later. Ciao, adios, hasta luego and all that jazz.