Eat Pray...

Eat Pray Love

The title of the book I’m currently reading.

Kinda like the Zahir in how it relates to me… in how it flows and speaks to my soul. Listening to Makeda (almost as per usual). Les Nubians. This song reminds me of *him* who gave it to me yet, again of him who also reminds me of *closer* Goapele? I feel myself drifting away in these emotions again though I fought them off last week. I should listen to myself more often. Told myself no more but ended up making the same mistake blunder I did last week. Thinking of ‘us’. Who are we but a figment of my imagination?

Something(s) I read caught my eye, for instance- and particularly this bit- I am exhausted by the cumulative consequences of a lifetime of hasty choices and chaotic passions. So maybe in the grand scheme of things, I should pursue that life, no, current state of celibacy that will enable my heart to heal/mend.

I am the hopeless romantic who pretends to be the greatest cynic around. D’s words come to mind… they always do when I’ve gotten over being upset with her (which tends to be when she calls me out on certain ish and damn the woman for knowing me so well)... But she was hugging me *close* on Friday and telling me never to sell myself short OR cheap. I have been. All in the name of living whatever dream it was concocted to beat the loneliness I must unerringly be feeling yet ignoring. I want to embrace it, learn to love myself again. I was well on the right path until I fell into this temptingly inviting quagmire of liberated self indulgence.

No Jive- De Phazz. I really needed to google this track. I LOVE IT (thanks Monsieur E).

Dig it like its written for my heart & soul… at some point, it sounded like, I don’t want no child… ha, funny.

It’s very addictive. Made me think of trip hop, jazz and salsa and yes, the description bears that mix. Think ~Lynx~ would love it. Washy does =) my new online lover! Don't watch the video first... just listen to it. Videos can turn you off music... and this one is really, what's the word, out there?! Special? lol

Its been a long, cold and dreary July. Let's hope August looks up.

(I get the feeling this post comes off as very spiritual... )

Taaa!

Temptation

I like the various explanations of terms that I pick out at random... however temptation seems to find its way into my life on a regular basis, more often than not... on weekends when the vino is flowing, inhibitions cast aside at will...

Temptation describes the coaxing or inducing a person into committing such an act, by manipulation or otherwise of curiosity, desire or fear of loss. Temptation: something that allures, excites, and seduces someone. Temptress: a woman who tempts or entices (how dull sounding)...

The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it... I can resist everything but temptation.
Oscar Wilde

The reasoning behind this post is my belief in certain standards... for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction and sometimes, the adage, everything that can go wrong WILL applies. So my thought processes led me to question behavior I used to be inclined to like when I was younger.
Say for instance I make out with someone I'm attracted to today, what reaction could it possibly have? I mean, it is cold (wintry Nairobi weather) and it makes sense to spread a bit of love & affection where I can. Is the reaction then blown out of proportion because I am a female and thus more open to scorn (by those I have scorned before?). Does the reaction eventually entail my losing out on dating someone else who is actually 'perfect' for me because they saw me making out with the aforementioned attractee? I use the term loosely because I'm positive there are attractors out there. Just a thought, only a thought... and remember, we're only talking about first base at the most, second +)

"I know u see me watching you, and I see u watching me, coz boy your body's calling me, teMpTAtioN is killing me..." 'Writings on the wall'. Beyonce & her tu pals.



Random aside:
My current state of mind compels me to want to behave in a beatnik fashion... make my way to a coffee shop that would house like minded individuals where I would drink and smoke and discuss the inanities and vulgarity of life as I see it. Pretend not to be conforming to the group with its ideals of freedom, joie de vivre and frugal standards of living because living as an artist doesn't pay too well... everyone knows that.
Maybe I'd take on a lover who paints bowls of fruits in abstract and girlfriends who sideline as singers & poets. The life of a beatnik. Oh, how it appeals to me (right now. who knows how I'll be feeling tomorrow).