Hilarious

Yooooooo!!!

Remember my mini post about how the HR woman was lavishing the CEO in his office?

Turns out I was onto sumfink!!!!

Gawsh... it's been 4 months!

So methinks it’s time I started blogging again. Yeah yeah yeah, I know. I say this every few months. I tried the whole writing in my diary thing but that got annoying fast. I don’t like writing with a pen anymore… this is faster. And I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that I’m not patient enough and I’m too paranoid to write some shits down where my moms can read it. I just need to move out.

That was my operation linda kui out of the nest for 2012

 but there have been several changes in my life… (cue the song)… least of all which include changing jobs thrice. Today is my last day as Business Manager at a fancy little biz center and I’ll miss it.

I’ll miss the people who work here and their tenacity and drive. I will miss their appreciation for team work and the squabbles… I will miss the people like the chap who just sneezed and said “Uwiiiie Ngai fafa”.

I will miss many things but this is not a post about missings…

It’s not even a post about the new things I will be doing because I’m going in blind, Lord cover me :D

This was a post about the lovely nite I attended yesterday at Daas. Some kind of open mic nite for Kenyan artists.

I went with a *shrug* “I really could care less about this” attitude (and I’ve been having a ‘tude for several reasons- being sick a justifiable one… but I self medicated and now I’m better but that’s not the point coz I went to Taza and had poussin chicken wings but then also had poussin chips and my tummy revolted from all the FAT and I was busy chewing on actal tums. I’ve lost my path. Where was I? Biko Zulu told me (yes, told me... it was in his blog post to me) not to use the dreaded “I digress” statement so I’m allowed to ramble as I please :D God bless him and Oyunga Pala who gave him that advice. I might be lying. Someone great told him that. A Kenyan writer too.

That’s where I was going with this…

Kenyans got TALENT!

I was pleased! VERY! Especially with Sage. I saw her in the Pulse today… I’m not sure what her English name is but she sangs with her two sisters? She don’t needs to tho. (I’ve been reading too much AwesomelyLuvvie )

This GEL can SING, play the piano AND the guitar. *looks around for my special skill*

So I had a conversation with a friend about how she needs to do Blankets and o_____o

She already has. IN fact twice this year. She also used to be Muthoni DQ’s BGV (I’m assuming that’s a Back Ground Vocalist). I feel like a flop. Listening to the likes of Davido and letting our children go to waste here…

Her voice and Bez’s voice should have babies.

Access Kenya’s cable was probably cut again so the internet has been fluctuating. I have however tried to ensure you all got access to links etc for all these great acts and more.

Zuciya Daya/ One Love

Negativity

Day one of blogging

Listening to Michael W. Smith. Because I can hear the Quran has started up again loudly. Because I have to drown it out. Because I feel like I’m cheating when I don’t focus as much on my JC. Because I watch the Muslims in this office praying every lunchtime and remember that I too am supposed to do my part. The obeisance, the piety… it all rings closely to home. It inspires me. It makes me say a little prayer. It makes me remember that there is more to life and just as there is more there is even less. That we need to be committed to living for God. That surely goodness and mercies shall follow me all the days of my life as long as I focus on God.

I have only recently noticed how negative I can be. In a mocking fashion that’s designed to make it less impactful on society; dulling the harshness of the words or the sharp tang on my tongue as I roll out the words. Your tongue is a double edged sword.

 

I am now TRYING to be more positive. Keeping in line with my own motto “If you have nothing good to say, say nothing at all”. It stems from this exercise I read about where you and your partner keep a score board of the positive and negative things you say to one another. I tried it out in my head. I’ve been trying it out subconsciously with people around me and every time I find myself about to say something negative I pause in shock. And I try to justify in my head why I should say the mean thing that’s on the tip of my tongue. Then I either affirm the person I’m talking to or I just stfu. And sit down. Because you should sit down when you’re being punished for your sin. Perverse logic I know. But it takes the bite out of looking at yourself in a negative light because that’s what it forces you to do.

We need people who we are accountable to.

  This cartoon is awkward...

I have found the strangest person to do it with. How to be friends 101 needs to be taught to me again. It’s quite interesting when you click with someone you had absolutely nothing in common with.  Or maybe you do have something in common *shrug*. Friends with someone who you aren’t afraid will judge you for all your quirks… 

Then you wonder if you judge them for theirs and your brain turns to mush.

Writing

In the last few months/weeks I’ve become so “well read”. On the interwebs of course- doing the whole web 2.0 thing. It’s easy enough when you’re interested. For instance, I’ve discovered there’s no actual definition out there for digital marketing. I know because I’ve searched (maybe not hard enough but if Google can fail me, who/what else can I turn to?!)

I’ve read up on search engine optimization and have a fairly moderate understanding of the same.

I’ve also been reading up on doing a cleanse as I apparently need one. What the hell is a cleanse anyway? Well, I discovered the perfect site to help-  now all I need to do is start… *begins procrastination 101 again).

I have read a lot of blog posts by Biko Zulu and laughed outrageously, had the hint of a tear at some… and felt genuine love and affection for people I’ve never met in others. I have itched to write again and this is what I’m going to do… a short story based on a true story. Or base this on Viva Riva? HAHAHAHAHA! Still can’t buh-live @thesapientone hasn’t watched it yet. That movie alone deserves it's own post...

I digress

Well here goes:

I believe the h.r woman has been ravishing the boss in her office past working hours. Every day I sit and watch them laugh on an hourly rotation and her giggle passionately, pushing up her not so ample bosom as he tries to stare it down like a matador waiting for the bull’s attack, or like a dog watching the bone being waved at it from side to side wondering how to get at it before it’s thrown and diminish the LONGING nay yearning it has for that bone.

Sometimes it looks like the tango when they’re together, dancing suggestively around each other on their way from the kitchen when at other times it looks like a rap game in the boardroom with them trading bitter barbs… all to hide the inner lust they have for one another. Like Kenyan politicians pretending to have beef yet behind closed doors they break bread or ugali and laugh at our folly.

I imagine being the fly on the wall watching them accomplish the feat. He, the “main guy” who yells in the “iwillflareyourskinoffyourbodyfornotmeetingyourtargets” tone while she usually pretends to simper in a coy manner. I’m on to them though. I’m sure he’s the submissive, tie me to your coat rail, gag me and punish me for my misdemeanors kinda guy while she flicks her whip (I’m sure it’s right there with all our employee files) and makes him lick her boots.

Because there’s no other reason for me to think anything else or less. Because this office bores me. Because they probably go home every day and have what I’d term platonic sex with their significant others in the same position every day.

Or maybe it’s because I day dream of doing the same thing to him every day. Every time he walks past I stare at his ass in those super tight pants and imagine the things I would do to him given the chance because he’s the boss. 

Look at that, they just did it again! 

He just turned and tried to show off his rippling abs through his YSL shirt! I know because I’ve sniffed his shirt, his tie and sat on his chair wondering how it would feel to have his head between my legs as I conduct short meetings…

But he doesn’t even know I’m there because I’m just the hired help who cleans his office every time he goes home to his wife at night and I’m left to fantasize…

LIKE THE TERMINATOR!!!!!

                                                

Hmmm...
I haven't blogged in dogs years! It's almost been a year...and I'm only on here because someone sent me a link to a friend's blog that despite his best intentions only had ONE post! I'd link to it but seriously even that one post was only 2 lines long decrying the sad state of affairs they found when they moved to Kwale for research work...


I'm now going to talk about the current state of affairs I find myself in- I ended up SOARING like that eagle for a few months. Then came crashing back down to earth like HOW ON EARTH WILL I SURVIVE WITH NO COINS?! 



I was HORRIFIED! DISTURBED! PERTURBED! to say the least. Yes, u must understand... I don't know how to be that guy with no coin.


I was tempted to tell my man...
 Severely tempted :D 


But I'm not that kinda girl. I went down on my bended KNEE and PRAYED to the ALMIGHTY! (doesn't that sound like a rap of sorts? or rhyme... I'll settle for rhyme). And shortly thereafter (aka the very same nite coz I had a serious heart-to-heart with the big guy) I got a job. Like the very next day I went for an interview and got the job.


It might not be what I expected but God gives u what u ask for. I was more worried about not having any money and He was more interested in giving me what He knows is best for me.


Us fickle humans...





It's really strange what comes up when u type in fickle humans to the images section of google...


Brad Pitt can GERRIT! ALL OF IT! 



He came up in the pictures (something about women being fickle. I heard he's chafu tho. He can still gerrit tho. ALL OF IT! Bahaha)


So that's it for now my dears! Arriverderci


Thanks for visiting and for all your patience!