... the awakening

Every story has an end but in life, every ending is just a new beginning

She rises from her bed and looks out across the skyline watching the first hint of daybreak glistening in the dark. “Joy comes in the morning” she thinks, remembering her mother’s mantra. She looks over her shoulder at the sleeping form wondering when the illusion will break. Her satin gown trails along behind her like a discarded lover picking up the debris of the night past.

She wishes it was different but this is the life she chose when he showed up outside her door and the decision she made when she let him in.

Every decision has a consequence. She wonders what far reaching consequences this current episode will have and chooses not to think about it... yet. Let tomorrow worry about itself once the sun comes up and it shines on all her iniquities.

She picks up her wine glass and tops it up to the brim cringing at the bitter taste of the merlot in her mouth. Running her tongue over her teeth clarifies it – she somehow found time to brush her teeth. When did that happen?

The comatose figure moans in his sleep and she’s tempted to go back but if she does she’s done for. She keeps gliding forward towards the balcony doors, uncannily drawn to her favorite part of the pad.

She slides open the door slowly and shuts it behind her, shivering slightly at the brisk pre-dawn cold. An owl hoots in the semi dark adding to the melancholy of her present moment. She’s with someone yet still so alone.

She finds the pack of cigarettes he was smoking earlier and considers them for a moment wondering where he bought them. Flipping the case she sees the “Only for sale in Nigeria” declaration. Hmmm… Lagos. She wonders what he accomplished there. He’s that kinda guy –the kind of guy who accomplishes what he sets out to do. She briefly wonders what if anything he feels accomplished about with her.

She slips a cigarette into her mouth and clicks open his Zippo. It was her gift to him on his 30^th birthday; solid gold, monogrammed with the simple initials J.K.

What a joke! She thinks then begins to remember. Tries to shake back the memories but they keep coming back, flooding back like a tsunami actually. To the night when they first met…

It’s getting harder yet easier.

A slight twirl of the wheel and she has a flare she hides while cupping her hand.

Takes a deep drag and exhales as she flips the cap closed.

Nicotine rush.

Aaaah.

This feels great she thinks. It’s been a long while but oh so necessary. She takes another puff for posterity and appreciates the taste of the tobacco swirling down her tongue to her lungs. Hedonistic pleasure is the best form of pleasure.

Exhale.

She watches the lights twinkling in the distance and lights going on at the apartment across the street. She wonders what the neighbors would think if they saw her like this, half naked with only a sheer night gown keeping her decent. She involuntarily draws the gown closer like a shield across her, belts and tightens it before taking a sip of her wine and wondering why she cares. They may be married and wondering who the lucky guy is, or alternatively hating her for what they term her freedom. No one is ever really free.

It’s because of how she was brought up she remembers. It’s hard to forget who you really are.

Good girl gone bad she thinks. Like Rihanna. But only she judges herself at this hour.

The cigarette is half gone before she hears the sound of the sliding door gliding open behind her. He comes up against her while she’s still leaning against the balcony wall watching the city and nudges her back with his morning wood. She feels a frission of excitement. “Hey baby” he says with his I-just-woke-up voice.

He’s insatiable and she’s about to reach her breaking point. Then he turns her around and kisses her soundly. It’s odd how the taste of his morning breath doesn’t revolt her as much as it would with anyone else. When was there any anyone else she wonders.

Then he picks her up and shoves her up against the left wall. She moans and realizes he’s completely nude. "This is so unlike him," she thinks as he slides her down onto him. She doesn’t understand how she’s already wet and ready. He does this to her with just his presence and she knows how much he loves the knowledge of what he does to her.

She moans as he starts his rhythm, picking her up slightly and bringing her down gently until she’s whimpering for more. He gyrates slowly working her up to a crescendo all the time looking deep into her eyes as if willing her to see him and only him.

The world shatters and all of a sudden she realizes where she is. A few seconds later, he too comes and buries his head into her shoulder biting down hard. She feels him sliding out of her as he lets her down slowly.

“You look like the cat that ate the canary” he says. In all this time she hasn’t whispered a word as she doesn’t want to break the spell.

She smiles and kisses him again, long and hard, as a way of thanking him for always sorting out her needs first before getting his. He has that dangerous look on his face though and she tries to run off saying ‘no, no, no’ when he grabs her hand and shoves her back against the balcony she was leaning against before he came out to play.

She takes the last drag on the cigarette as he parts her legs and enters her hard from behind. She shuts her eyes and takes in all of him, gasping at the feeling once he’s all the way in. He puts his hands around her and starts playing with her clit as he expertly strokes in and out.

Her legs shake as she’s being worked over like a well-oiled engine. She comes again and this time he gives her a brief respite before he continues stroking. “It feels, sooo good baby” she says clutching the balcony railing for support. It’s too late. She broke the spell and spoke.

He comes again with a muffled cry and before she realizes it he’s sobbing. Her eyes jerk open in surprise.

“What’s going on?” she says turning to look at him.

He crumples to the ground with sudden grief. She’s finally going to hear the truth.

What comes out next though completely blows the wind out her sails.

“I’m getting married Ciku”

She shouldn’t have opened her damn mouth.

This is her life.