Last night a dj saved my life

!Theme song!

It was a really random night out. 

To be honest, I hadn’t even expected to be out even though that was the order of the day and what usually ended up happening on a loose Friday night in Nairobi. I mean… what ELSE was there to do? I’d finished a really good book the night before and had absolutely nothing to do with myself besides twiddle my thumbs and if I started on the next book in the trilogy then I wouldn’t have another chance to see my friends that weekend since they knew as well as I did once I got engrossed…

That’s how I ended up driving to Ivory at 11pm with Lisa & Jerri. We’d polished off a bottle of Sancerre that Jerri had brought from Spain so we were in a mighty good place by the time I took to the dance floor with them and decided to just let go. I was three mojitos in, a couple shots of café patron happily mingling in with the Sancerre and going HAM, making that booty pop like that girl in the Konshens video who looks like she’s about to get PAID. (Like seriously, how on earth does she contort herself like that?)

And that’s when I saw them. Curled up in a corner looking like the world had settled into a nice, warm cosy haven that never experienced war, muggings or bad breath (because that is a thing). Like they were those two fish swimming in that fish bowl that Wyclef sang about. Like the music had absolutely no other motivation than to help them transcend to that heaven all inane love singers sing about. Almost like they were ensconced in the Garden of Eden and there I was just outside with the flaming angel barring me from tainting their exquisite love. Either way I was livid. I wanted to tip them out of their tranquil fish bowl and watch them pant for breath on the ground. Even if it was just the sofa, I’d make do with there being an earthquake that swallowed just them up whole?

Furious, I turned around to grab the first thing I could throw at them because maybe it would help get past the avenging angel in my path (or bouncer if we must really detract from my imagination) and slammed directly into him.

WHOOFF! I could barely breathe.

He was tall and decidedly male.

I’m a sucker for all things tall and decidedly male so I started to look up with my hand out for support (a nifty trick taught to me by my good friend Chi) while trying to feel all the pecs I knew would just be there. 

To be honest there was a hint of a kitambi[1] but what is a hint of kitambi when you’re ensconced in male. A male who just put his arms around me in decidedly predatory fashion. My brain immediately switched gears to exercise extreme caution. From this man must be a fisi[2] to OHMYGODHEMUSTBEARAPIST! 

Who also smelt like he was gilded from the loins of Adonis himself. Don’t ask. He must, my brain deduced, also eat the ambrosia of the gods because my head was swimming and not from the mojitos & tequila.

“Are you ok?”

That voice sounded familiar. Cold horror filled my insides.

I looked up all the way to the top because my vision had stopped short of the bit of collar bone that I really wanted to nibble on.

Well, had wanted to until I heard that bloody voice. Semantics really.

“Oh hi Brian. Didn’t see you there” I said flippantly.

BLEURGH! I really wanted to heave. Why me Lord!? I was a good person… usually?

Suck it up beesh I muttered to myself.

“Did you say something?”

I smiled up brightly but I’m sure I looked dim witted because he frowned then reached down with the pad of his thumb to wipe something off my tooth. The nerve! I had no idea where his hands had been! He probably just came back from peeing and now wanted me to suck off his essence. Gahd I wanted to so bad... I mean slap him silly for the temerity and nerve thereof!

I thought this was going out of control but he had the offending piece of mint there. Right there. On his thumb.

“I was saving that for later you know”

He chuckled. A deep rumble that emanated from somewhere deep down in his chest. Like so close I could feel the stirrings of something. I was pretty sure it wasn’t me stirring though. Women aren’t equipped to stir physically.

I tried to back out of his arms but a waitress almost jostled me with her tray of drinks so I stayed put for the interim.

This human was my ex’s best friend. The same ex who was busy making goo goo gaa gaa eyes at Monica, the bane of my existence. I mean seriously. What kind of name was Monica anyway? Like this was that Brandy song and she’d really decided that the “boy was hers”.

Insert super gag reflex here.

And now Brian was here holding me like it was the end of the world. D’ wouldn’t like that one bit I thought triumphantly. I really didn’t care what D’ did or didn’t like but sometimes you know, ego.

“Care for a drink?” He whispered into my ear making whatever pleasure points light up in a female’s body flare up brightly. I needed to be extremely careful here.

“Yeah sure”

Wait! I wondered. Who said that? Was that brazen minx of a brain of mine asking for more alcohol? Who needed more alcohol?! It was always the best recipe for disaster.

I halfway turned, still unnervingly wrapped in his arms and trying to pull away unobtrusively when Shar showed up. She had impeccable timing. “Oh my god Brian! Sema guy! How’ve you been…” and I zoned out trying to figure out what exactly was happening now that I had a minute to gather my thoughts.

Was this ninja trying to run interference on me? How DARE HE! But (and I did a quick glance back to see if he’d noticed me but fekkin D’ was still wrapped up in his cocoon. I really hoped someone would try to rip it open so that their wings wouldn’t develop the way they should …)

Maybe I needed help. My brain was really overreacting. We had been broken up for two years already so what was the matter with me? That’s it; my period was on its way.

At that very minute though some zouk came on and I forgot about all the things I had in mind except for loosing myself in the music. Shar had already started dragging Brian towards the bar and I closed my eyes swaying for a split second before someone else claimed me. My eyes opened automatically and I smiled. It was my favourite resident dj Flow who was also an extremely fantastic zouk dancer.

We danced and I felt all the tension seep away as he led me through the steps, swaying effortlessly to the music. Before the song ended he dashed away to change to the next song and I was left feeling bereft. Insert elaborate and some might say dramatic sigh here.

Shar and B waved me over and I strolled over wondering where Jerri and Lisa had disappeared to. It wasn’t like them not to be on the dance floor but they were grownups and would eventually show up. I hoped. Something was not right in the air and I didn’t intend to be the collateral damage of whatever mischievous elf was messing about with my life.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Five shots back to back later and I was sitting on B’s lap, well not sitting on it, more like perched precariously on a sofa that seemed to shrink every second I was near him. I was right at the edge and wondering if I’d fall gracefully with my really tight jeans and if they’d rip up the seams coz let’s be honest. Thirty something meant I had a few extra pounds hugging me in all the right places.

B’ turned to me and asked “What?”

He had a way of asking questions like he could see into your soul and was daring you to lie to him.

We’d been close once but that was another lifetime ago. He’d been finishing his Masters in Applied Mathematics when D’ and I broke up and I figured with D’ out of my life that the same thing applied, he was taking his friends with him and that was just about the last I ever heard from him. Not from lack of trying though. I always thought we were real friends all things considered but that was apparently my overactive imagination as always.

He’d never spoken to me again. Not even after I tried to call, what’sapped and emailed. One can only do so much before the heaped on scorn begins to burn like acid through a carburettor (that sounds right in my head).

And here he was now being happy go lucky B’ who was always around, always the one in a corner keeping me company while D’ was tossing back shots and trying to show off who had the biggest dick with his other boys like it was a competition. I always wondered what would have happened if B’ and I had dated instead but that felt like blasphemy and after getting to know him better I realized he was quite the player so maybe not so much. He was hella attractive though. Slurp. Even now I could just…

I definitely needed fresh air and a lot of it ASAP.

“I need a gaff” I said standing up. I tottered a bit on my heels wondering why the floor wasn’t quite where it was meant to be. His arm was around my waist immediately balancing me and levelling me out. That’s who he had always been. The great leveller; kind of like death. It felt so natural but my eyes pricked with tears.

I hustled out of his arms and almost ran outside to the balcony to get my act together. What on earth was happening with me I wondered? Definitely hormones.

“Spark! Hold on!”

I froze in the middle of lighting my gaff when he leaned in and lit it for me with his Zippo. A Zippo? From where? He didn’t even smoke the show off.

I cocked my eyebrow at him wondering what was with calling me by my nickname. I hadn’t heard that name in years.

I took a drag and looked back up at him wondering why he was so close to me. I tried to use the Dunhill Switch as a buffer but he deftly manoeuvred himself between the gaff in my hand and came closer so that I inordinately took another step back and stretched out my arm in order to gain purchase on the railing.

He looked unsure for a minute and that gave me some level of innate control over whatever the hell was going on.

Why’d you do it B’? I asked.

He shook his head like he was trying to clear off some cobwebs and I did the one thing I did subconsciously whenever in doubt. I bit my lower lip and gazed into his eyes. This really felt like a Mills and Boon moment and the only thing that would make this more ridiculous was if he kissed me, deeply, with that gorgeous full moon behind me showing off the Nairobi landscape.

He however let out a ragged breath of air and tugged on my right ear softly.

“Don’t do that”

My inner vixen pouted prettily, preened if you will. Elated at whatever was happening but I wasn’t having it. This was too complex and too difficult to deal with. Did B’ have a crush on me? There’s no way this was happening.

“Hey guys what’s up? Aaaarrrrgh! B’ it’s yoooouuuu” cooed Lisa as she dove on him and had him pick her up with her long, wicked legs wrapped around his most capable torso.

Life was generally unfair.

I couldn’t even beat a “safety first” hasty retreat because he had me cornered and I’d just started my ciggie.

And just when I thought it couldn’t get any better or worse D’ stepped out holding Monica by the hand. “Yo B’ we’re ready to bail. Are you coming with?”

He barely registered my presence before Monica had pulled him in for an epic display of PDA as if to let me know who he now belonged to. She was a real grade A witch. And I didn’t care as much as I thought I did. The whole thing reeked of desperation. I was so pleased. It’s not him I still cared about, well technically I did because apparently love never really leaves. It just lies there dormant hoping and waiting to be reactivated but the only thing I felt was mild distaste at her attempt at who-cared-what she was doing.

B’ slid Lisa down his front and I almost heard her mewl with pleasure when he finally deigned to reply.

“Nah, I’m kicking it with K I’ll catch up with you kesho at brunch”.

D’s eyes widened as his brain finally caught up and registered me standing in the corner. I really hoped I looked as nonchalant as I felt.

“Oh hey” he said caught up between trying to reach in for a hug, looking miffed at being caught in a precarious situation when he’d always been against PDA and being dragged away by the witch.

It was laughable really.

I gave him a nod and proceeded to take another drag on the gaff. He’d always hated the habit and I’d stopped for a while but that along with trying to make me someone I wasn’t tended to cause a lot of antagonism and hate lace a relationship.

This had gone on for way too long.

I took a step away and everyone turned to watch me afraid of what I’d do.

I put out my hand and Flow put his in mine as he dragged me into his arms and literally devoured my lips.

I heard several sharp intakes of breath before I forgot about the people around me and got sucked into the vortex of love making this lip locking was doing to me.

Pheww the man could kiss!

Xxxxxxxx

What must have been two minutes later but felt like thirty eons and many generations of future babies had between us, we separated. He was grinning like the cat that ate the canary. I looked back and the rest of the guys tried to hide their shocked faces. Lisa winked at me lasciviously and I almost did a leap of joy. There’s nothing more gratifying than showing your ex that you’re doing well even though you know that it’s inane and that deep down it doesn’t matter. Then I saw B’s face and cringed internally. Fuck he looked hurt.

Life!

I turned back to Flow who gestured for me to go ahead of him. He’d given me an out because he saw how the situation was playing out and I wanted to kiss him again to thank him but it now also felt weird like a boundary had been crossed and we could never come back from that precipice we’d jumped off.

I sighed, took a last drag, flicked my cigarette over the edge of the balcony, exhaled and walked back into the club.

“You ok?” he asked.

Yeah I guess.

He pulled me back onto the dance floor and I looked up at him puzzled. He mouthed ‘my set is over’ and continued whirling me about. If nothing else, I was intent on doing what I came to do, dancing the night away and I proceeded to do just that.

I’d occasionally see B’ from the corner of my eye trying not to watch but it was hard as I was extremely aware of him.

When I stopped for a break to go to the loo, Flow asked me what I’d like to drink and headed in the opposite direction to the bar. I noticed B’ making a beeline towards me (or maybe my imagination was overreacting) but I made quick steps to the loo in a frenzied pace almost twisting my ankle on the stairs out of the dancefloor. Shit! My arm was grabbed and body pulled back before I could kick the step in my consternation.

  “Are you trying to avoid me K?” His voice kept making me melt inside, spinning in a never ending vortex of syrup and sweetness. He smelled like he’d had a few whiskey’s and slathered thereafter in Lisa’s perfume.

I need to go to the loo. Be right back babe.

When I got out, he was waiting there for me but looking out of the little side window, lost in his own little world. Probably the same world he went to when he abandoned me. Yes, I am petty.

I was tempted to walk off but I walked over and looked outside too. For a moment time stood still as the dj switched to a new track and the club sounded like it was stuck in a vacuum. He turned within that moment and tucked a bit of my hair behind my ear, a really old habit of his that had never made sense but seemed strangely intimate now.

“K, one day I’ll explain” he began only to have Lisa siddle up to us with a “and what are you two doing here”.

We were never going to have a conversation at this rate.

Xxxx

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[1]  Kenyan lingo for potbelly but it still gives good loving right?

[2] Fisi means hyena but again in Kenyanese it stands for a man (or woman) who preys on unwitting individuals